Nausea

Amanda I feel you on the analysis paralysis. I think I am also here. I feel like I am digging myself a mental hole deeper and deeper, keeping myself away from sunlight and pressure is building up as the dirt starts to sift back in and bury me. The worst part is I know what I want to make and know that I should make things because they will only benefit myself more the sooner I actually force myself over that mental cliff, but it’s the mental cliff that I am really struggling to get past (which is also reflective of where I get stuck in other life situations). I cannot force myself to jump, and unfortunately no one is going to shove me over either. I have literally no reasons to avoid the jump other than my personal tendencies to avoid the inevitable and make the inevitable into an constantly growing, terrifying, looming monster that I am running away from to no avail.

Things I’ve been telling myself:

you’re just planning it all out it will be fine

what about that other important thing? THAT has a deadline. from a professor.

its art, you'll get there. just wait for a good day

start tomorrow

GET YOUR PRIORITIES STRAIGHT!

I am crying out for help but the help is already there within myself. Tonight I am grabbing my brush and attacking the canvas I have hanging in my room.

- Feeling under pressure and afraid but have been sitting very still so as not to shift the pressure or fear, but only let it increase…

- Bella #feelings sorry every1